you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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