Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
