How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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