I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
