she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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