and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
