I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
