The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
