He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
