I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
