Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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