Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
