No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
