Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize