dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what day is it and did you see me today?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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