Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i out mim tonsoeep
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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