he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
