Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
