I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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