just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
