i think i have herpe
just one?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
