just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
