I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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