When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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