i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
