You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize