Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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