the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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