Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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