someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
