I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
