so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize