Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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