i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
