Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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