I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
