I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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