saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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