i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
