apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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