Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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