May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
