Pants 0. Shit 1.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
