My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
