im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize