i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
