David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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