So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
