Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dick very happy bro
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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