i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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