I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
