I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
