pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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