11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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