my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
