I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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