No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
