You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
