all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
