Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
