Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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