mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
