well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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