I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
