I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sorry about my life...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
