I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
