Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
