After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
