How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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