Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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