his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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