Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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