I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
