WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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