I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
