just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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