I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There are leaves in my underwear?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
