Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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