ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize