what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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