I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
