so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
