This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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