Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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