i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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