I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
