I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
