Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
