Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
