The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
