you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize