Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
