How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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