I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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