I'm drive I can fine osifer
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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