I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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