There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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