she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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