the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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