Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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