He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can't special order awesome
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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