I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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