In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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