We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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