end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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