I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
