I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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