i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
