my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
not ubering you a puppy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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