he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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