I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
