I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
